Where are you now?- 22nd November 2014

Her hair a dirty blonde,
the gentle breeze caressing it in peace.
Piecing brown eyes, though; dark eye
shadow,
mascara to match; lipstick
of passion.
Our passion.
Her pastel painted skin was it, the draw.

She's a blur to me, as she passes.
I focus ahead, i focus ahead. i tried to.
focus ahead.

We had a dance, a beautiful dance.
Amongst the undergrowth we tore,
one and at each-other.
We broke dreams, lived together a fantasy,
vanquished love and morals to be
together.

I was in love
I was in love
Weren't we in love?


My heating is on at 17:15,
my room feels warm when I finish work.
i like that.
Her dry bloodied body must be cold now, I
don't like that... and the nights are
turning in.
My heating comes on at 17:15-
It's the same time we met. You know that,
though.

No one ever thanks me...
For touching; being a part of; influencing;
creating beauty, in their lives.

i'm just left to be alone.

i don't think i like this solitude.

It allows my mind to run drift float drag
me down...

and i guess i must just miss you.
Come home. Please.

Life Apart- 31st January 2014

Life apart-

What treacherous minds do conceive,
Through the trenches of the fear and of the lie.
One deep look into thine own eyes, perhaps you too could believe,
That within these ladened lips you may only hear me cry.

Here's to my utter silence, and to being always still.
I'll remain emotionally blinded, and forever at your heel.
Try not forget my words, those times past; my spoken will.
Perhaps it was only you who knew how this would feel.

With sorrow I'm out to walk.

With time they'll stop to talk.

Untitled - 24th July 2012

Unaware as I was, your smile carried me through.
It was us I loved, and that will always be true.
Sometimes it's hard to admit being wrong,
Taking a hit to my pride isn't easy, but I've got to be strong.
You said I was under your skin, and your only thought,
I'm sorry for my anger, and the way we fought.
With time I hope you'll eventually see,
How much it was YOU who carried me.

I'll always wish it was 'us' again,
And in my mind I can only hold on to a 'when'...

The Other Side - [Dateless]

I'm struggling... An awful lot.

I've read everything I can find, I've listened to; taken; visualised and even prayed. I understand the mechanics, the programming and the cause and effects- Nothing makes it any easier to deal with. No amount of it will push me further through.

I tried to give up because I can't take any more. I'm lost. I'm defenceless. I'm just me, I suppose. The sum of every day leading to now. It's all good, and oh so well to be told I've got a lot going for myself. That I'm intelligent and that I can be better; that I can beat this. Yet when the clouds are gone, and we're left watching dew turn to frost again..you ask 'why bother'. What is it all for. The dark, honest poetry that under-pins everyone is being taken away..and I hate watching everything slide.

It's selfish. Despicable. How could I try to do that to anyone.
How can't I?
It isn't about you, them or anyone else, infact. You aren't worth the worry, my friends.


----- 



I could hear you crying-
I couldn't cut off my smile.
The lies I've sold make me feel
more sorry for your pity,
than I do for my own suffering.

There you were, standing
and staring at my lie.
My lifeless view of each of you.
As if I'm some sort of monster...
Some form of unearthly beast...

A mimic, a mime. A distant everyone.


-----


I admired the chase. That chance.
I congratulated you before we finished.
I always knew you'd be on top.
It was written in your eyes,
across your lips.

I think I'll always look up to you.
As someone who took my prize,
You took my only part.


-----


I cannot help my part.
I just watch.
I just listen.
I love your sweet demise.

He takes every part.
He controls every piece
of you and of I.
He whispers pure extacy.

The elation in your squeel,
the volume in your moves.
Twist towards. Tense and shake.
I'm taking this image..

I can't help my part..
I'm just as hopeless..
He controls me too..

Untitled - 16th January 2012

Where can I look
when your eyes are averted..

You tell me clearly, to listen and understand..
but you're talking in tongues at me,
and I barely have the time to whisper back.

I watch you cry, and feel nothing but anger-
Not for you; not at someone.. but that I couldn't care any less.
For anyone...

You ask me completely, if I could hold and cherish you..
but you're talking in tongues at me,
and I barely have the time to translate your senseless desires.

I picture your hair, now..
Cus I dare not look towards you.
I'm scared you've passed too far,
and I can't help you any longer.

R.I.P. (revised) - 14th July 2010 (8th October 2011)

Death should have no space.
No room to be; carry its motion.
It shouldn't hold place aside for loved ones.
Why do we allow it to construct;
A chance to lure us.
Who gave it permission.
Who gave it this chance.
Making its mark and feeding all the while.

I concede it must exist,
but in such harrowing moments?
It flourishes on its own destruction.
Can it not require peace at its fore.
Granting grace and ellegence..
Allowing beauty to shine as a first.



Let us rest now, with a memory fresh.
Leave him at peace now, to enjoy
the glory he has earned not among us,
but among his life.

My Masterpiece - 20th Sept 2011

I washed my hands again.. The fifth time tonight. I felt awful.. He'd taken over again and there wasn't anything of me.. She was only //////.. Barely of female structure, let alone of her own mind. I told myself to dispose of it all. I told myself to cry.

---
With the elation in your squeel, I knew I'd hit the right part. At least this time I had.. and i had it down.. Burnt for good. Not You!! NO, i'd never hurt you. id never hurt you.. youre too pretty.. Too perfect. too much to risk..
i walked you home.. WE held hands, and i kept telling you how it was how it'd been and would now be i remember you smiling back at me and i knew it was fine it was all ok i forget why i ever worried it was as though i had considered you again as though you had already forgotten had you how could you i had it down though dont worry it was mine to treasure you are MY treasure MINE with such a beautiful whimper such a perfect smile


So perfect on film... SO MINE.. Now run home, my masterpiece.