Sunday 16 February 2020

solace;drink - 16.02.2020

Amongst the humdrum,
the mundane
and the weeping wounds
inflicted by stupidity.
It can be thought that perhaps,
with a little act of kindness,
one too can be a part
of a social society.
Yet over and again,
I'm found wandering around
lost and wondering what went
wrong.
Caught in a myriad of thoughts,
striking like wild fire out
and across the vast plains
of an essentially empty mind.
Though barren and lacking much
I consider tangible,
it does appear to be a lavish
land in comparison to most.
With arrogance comes ignorance,
comes happiness and comfort.
So why then the utter depression;
guilt; loneliness; struggle.
With pained expression I slide
on still.
Taking in moment to moment as
though I might find something new.
While nothing changes, and
I try to slow my mind down,
I find my way to drink.
My only solace, in this fire of
thought.

Monday 25 November 2019

Fucking Christmas - 24.11.19


I wonder to myself,
about the story of the Elf.
In the North Pole he works,
with very few perks.
But the toys he does create,
help children celebrate.
A special time of year,
that should always be full of cheer.

While you sleep,
not making a peep.
They're hammering away,
making toys without delay.
Be grateful for what you receive,
and be sure to always believe.
In our little friends the Elves,
Because they're a part of ourselves.

The happiness you feel,
makes their work so real.
It's all worthwhile,
If you laugh and smile.
Here's to another year,
filled with Christmas cheer.
May all your dreams and wishes come true,
Merry Christmas from me, to you.

Sunday 21 April 2019

These things are sent to test us - 21.04.19

These things are sent to test us...

and test us they will,
Pushing our will until
part of ourselves breaks and snaps,
All the time to find if our love will lapse.

Even though we'll disagree and argue,
Every day I still dream of you.
I'm yours for good,
Although at times we're both misunderstood.

Sometimes there's no point to this,
Yet I find myself caught inside an abyss.
The darkness surrounds,
and a nasty feeling simply compounds.

I turn to you,
looking for something that's true.
I'm sorry if I lean too much,
and for using you as a crutch.

I need you to know,
that beyond this woe,
I'm still the same me,
and I hope I'm part of 'we'

Tuesday 1 January 2019

Colours - 30.12.18

See through my eyes to
this dark and washed out world.
The greying landscaped cities,
The lushious fauna, drab and dulling.

Listen ever still to the sounds and
try picture its awe and beauty.
Yet trapped within these eyes all
that I can ever see
is your washed out world.

A defect, a mutation, a
wonderfully tragic mistake.
Left me curious to create in a mind,
of the beauty it could possibly be.
Hanging on to find that truth
in the images you paint for me.

So I thank you for accepting,
for being my vision of beauty.
So I thank you for listening,
and being ever patient.

Thursday 6 December 2018

We can - 06.12.2018

I just can't do it,
  Give out all this love.
And I just can't do it,
  Give away another piece of myself.

And lifes been moving way too fast,
and for way too long.
  And I just can't do it,
Yet you've drawn me into you.

I just can't do it.
  This struggle grips me harder
whenever I try to shake it.
  The struggle it becomes me.

I just can't do it.
  Not fight to be.
    I simple cannot do it,
For I want a you and me.

Tuesday 26 June 2018

Could You - 25.06.18

Could you,

Maybe if I wish enough, and put my time into it. Should I create a dream board of those pictures, the things I want. An image burned in mind, an artist's take on what could be. Would we be painted in oils, or acrylics, or watercolour. Maybe just a print, in simple black and white.
The clouds were beautiful today, they played in dashes of reds, blues, greens. Every colour I cannot see, but I know are there. Their graceful wander about the skies only frees minds to another place altogether. To help take us away in that moment. I ask so subtly, so quietly you barely can hear.

Could you, could you be my cloud. Let me drift away in a moment together. See where the winds take us. Live.

Thursday 11 May 2017

So I wait - 11th May 2017

I can only whisper
and wonder
where you've gone, and what
it is you're up to.
I'm scared
I'm petrified
of what you're doing.
Why you aren't with me.

It's no way to breath, to be alive.
It can't be fair
to only just survive.

But I'll stand here still.
I'll listen to how terrible I am.
Tell me what I've done wrong.
Take the punishment as it comes
thick and fast from each
and every side.

I want to wrap us up,
I need to look after, and to
care for you. Be allowed to
cherish you.
But I stand up and just
do something else so wrong
at the next turn.
So maybe I'll stay sitting, and I'll
try to keep myself quiet.

My feet aren't carrying me
away anymore, so I sit. I wait.
I don't think I'll understand
what went so wrong so fast.
What tore it apart so fast.
So I sit. I wait.