The third of October

I'm unsure of the certainty,
Without guise with which to guide,
Or whether one is true, but certainly
one is abused and willing to hide.

I heard the torture throughout the years,
lies and the hurt; The pain and the tears.
I watched the stars shine bright,
as each moon passed its light.

You'd ride up tall, making sure
the truth wouldn't fall.
Your you was clearer and cleaned,
Sure to fool, but not foul. Neither he,
nor she, not them or I would be there to deny.

Now.

Why whisper for longer,
the works of a loner.
Heard through nothing but fallacy,
This slowly dying maleficent home.

This slowly dying magnificent hole.

The slow and dying of malice and woe.

shame - 26th November 2015

I'll grow you from the trees
from the grass and from the moss.

I'll tear you part from pieces
and create a spark to set alight to all.

I am everything.
I will bare the control and power over all.

Please stand against and push
and fight all you can.

I'll crush your fledgling heat.
You'll bleed from the same eyes you
scorned me with before.

I'll bury your tortured and crippled
aging body amongst the growth.
I'll let you be another...

I'll let your children grow and exist and to find love

for my job is to take everything away from them and destroy them one little piece at a time and to put everything on display for your horror and pain

Where are you now?- 22nd November 2014

Her hair a dirty blonde,
the gentle breeze caressing it in peace.
Piecing brown eyes, though; dark eye
shadow,
mascara to match; lipstick
of passion.
Our passion.
Her pastel painted skin was it, the draw.

She's a blur to me, as she passes.
I focus ahead, i focus ahead. i tried to.
focus ahead.

We had a dance, a beautiful dance.
Amongst the undergrowth we tore,
one and at each-other.
We broke dreams, lived together a fantasy,
vanquished love and morals to be
together.

I was in love
I was in love
Weren't we in love?


My heating is on at 17:15,
my room feels warm when I finish work.
i like that.
Her dry bloodied body must be cold now, I
don't like that... and the nights are
turning in.
My heating comes on at 17:15-
It's the same time we met. You know that,
though.

No one ever thanks me...
For touching; being a part of; influencing;
creating beauty, in their lives.

i'm just left to be alone.

i don't think i like this solitude.

It allows my mind to run drift float drag
me down...

and i guess i must just miss you.
Come home. Please.

Life Apart- 31st January 2014

Life apart-

What treacherous minds do conceive,
Through the trenches of the fear and of the lie.
One deep look into thine own eyes, perhaps you too could believe,
That within these ladened lips you may only hear me cry.

Here's to my utter silence, and to being always still.
I'll remain emotionally blinded, and forever at your heel.
Try not forget my words, those times past; my spoken will.
Perhaps it was only you who knew how this would feel.

With sorrow I'm out to walk.

With time they'll stop to talk.

Untitled - 24th July 2012

Unaware as I was, your smile carried me through.
It was us I loved, and that will always be true.
Sometimes it's hard to admit being wrong,
Taking a hit to my pride isn't easy, but I've got to be strong.
You said I was under your skin, and your only thought,
I'm sorry for my anger, and the way we fought.
With time I hope you'll eventually see,
How much it was YOU who carried me.

I'll always wish it was 'us' again,
And in my mind I can only hold on to a 'when'...

The Other Side - [Dateless]

I'm struggling... An awful lot.

I've read everything I can find, I've listened to; taken; visualised and even prayed. I understand the mechanics, the programming and the cause and effects- Nothing makes it any easier to deal with. No amount of it will push me further through.

I tried to give up because I can't take any more. I'm lost. I'm defenceless. I'm just me, I suppose. The sum of every day leading to now. It's all good, and oh so well to be told I've got a lot going for myself. That I'm intelligent and that I can be better; that I can beat this. Yet when the clouds are gone, and we're left watching dew turn to frost again..you ask 'why bother'. What is it all for. The dark, honest poetry that under-pins everyone is being taken away..and I hate watching everything slide.

It's selfish. Despicable. How could I try to do that to anyone.
How can't I?
It isn't about you, them or anyone else, infact. You aren't worth the worry, my friends.


----- 



I could hear you crying-
I couldn't cut off my smile.
The lies I've sold make me feel
more sorry for your pity,
than I do for my own suffering.

There you were, standing
and staring at my lie.
My lifeless view of each of you.
As if I'm some sort of monster...
Some form of unearthly beast...

A mimic, a mime. A distant everyone.


-----


I admired the chase. That chance.
I congratulated you before we finished.
I always knew you'd be on top.
It was written in your eyes,
across your lips.

I think I'll always look up to you.
As someone who took my prize,
You took my only part.


-----


I cannot help my part.
I just watch.
I just listen.
I love your sweet demise.

He takes every part.
He controls every piece
of you and of I.
He whispers pure extacy.

The elation in your squeel,
the volume in your moves.
Twist towards. Tense and shake.
I'm taking this image..

I can't help my part..
I'm just as hopeless..
He controls me too..

Untitled - 16th January 2012

Where can I look
when your eyes are averted..

You tell me clearly, to listen and understand..
but you're talking in tongues at me,
and I barely have the time to whisper back.

I watch you cry, and feel nothing but anger-
Not for you; not at someone.. but that I couldn't care any less.
For anyone...

You ask me completely, if I could hold and cherish you..
but you're talking in tongues at me,
and I barely have the time to translate your senseless desires.

I picture your hair, now..
Cus I dare not look towards you.
I'm scared you've passed too far,
and I can't help you any longer.